full circle

i have come full circle---again
for awhile i was fooled
and believed that this love was true and
not
full of deceit.
i rejoiced--in love at last-- even though it smelled familiar.
i must have been fooled the first time i surmised
what was now before me was-- true love-- this time.
i relaxed and believed
and like a little child
i learned the words of the
new
' i love you song'
i bore the shackles of this new love patiently
and attended to it's every pain.
believing that it was true
even though it smelled-- familiar

i was now grown up

i no longer believed that-- to love-- was to
leave the door open
to be taken advantage of
by
another


i sought to keep this love alive even though it smelled betimes.


it was finally time to come

--- full circle
love proved to be selfish and not true once again

i will not to be fooled thrice--- by mortals--
who refuse to look up and be healed
and truly learn to love at last

destination replaced by some other existence

some things just need to fade into oblivion---into pale thin shadows. as if they never happened--never should have happened.
i look back to certain points in time--crossroads points--- when things went unfortunately wrong.
if only derailing events could have been fast forwarded--see the end before the beginning---maybe the beginning would have been different if overlaid with foreknowledge weighted with wisdom.
some things would be vastly different today--studies finished--goals accomplished.
instead everything was frozen in time.
can the path back be rediscovered? can abandoned threads be picked up and reconnected?
maybe--except time in mortal frame moves inexorably forward--change is inevitable.

the course that was first set is closed--hedged up as if by thorns---altered by one small decision.
if only---
the destination is no longer in sight---replaced by some other existence--maybe even by a new person.
a new person? a wiser person? lets hope so.